2023 Year In Review

2023: Year in Review

This year’s responses to the review questions need a bit of context:

I started 2023 with a month long migraine. I am ending 2023 with a strain of COVID that facilitated pain that made it into my top three most painfully experiences of my life. Health wise, most everything in between then and now sucked. Could it have been worse? Yes. Immeasurably. Was there anything good? Also, yes. But it's hard to recognize or enjoy the good when you are physically in pain, or drowning in depression, or medically sedated (the only depression medication that helped also put me to sleep), or at some points… all three at once! Also, trigger warning for depression and suicidal ideation in my review.  Take care of yourself.

1. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before?

Went to my first Nerd convention… FanExpo.

I grew pumpkins!

Watched a K-drama!  (and loved it!)

2. Did anyone close to you die or give birth?
My grandfather, the last of the grandparents for both me and Shaun, died this year.

3. What countries did you visit?

We looked at Canada for a while, but that is as close as we got to a border. We took Shaun’s parents on a cruise to Alaska, as it was a lifelong dream of theirs, and it was “a hoot”.

4. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023?
Good Health.

5. What dates from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are some events, not dates.  I have gotten practice at pushing impossible words out of my mouth to tell Shaun I am not OK and we need to hide the sharps and call for help. If you have never experienced it, it does not make sense, but it is unbelievable how trapped inside my thoughts I could/can get. So those few nights are etched in. 

But there is also the moment, as we cleared out the pumpkin vines that were dead, that we discovered a bunch more stealth pumpkins underneath. 

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I still exists. *mic drop*

But also, I somehow successfully launched Tangled Life Studios as a home business where I teach art and lead Creative Meditation classes out of my home studio.  AND even though I slept pretty much from mid August on, I still ended up financially in the positive!

Also-also, have I mentioned I grew pumpkins? Like, LOTS of pumpkins.  I am stupid proud of the pumpkins.

7. What was your biggest failure?

It  took me entirely too long to learn that I have value; even if I am unwell, even if I can’t carry the same load I used to be able too, even if all I do is sleep.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was finally (only took 25 years) officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder due to hormone dysregulation. (Duh.)  It has become “medication resistant” (thank you menopause) so we are hoping Transcranial Magnetic stimulation in the first part of 2024 will help.

9. What was the best thing you bought?

I found a linen dress at Costco at the beginning of summer that I love.

10. Where did most of your money go?

We bought another house.  A second house with the eldest child.  We covered the down payment and the son is covering the actual mortgage. The husband always wanted a rental and the eldest didn’t want to pay someone else to rent a place…  So win/win. But dang, we had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to pull it off, and we are going to be touch and go for a while.

11. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My range of emotions was very limited this year, if I was able to feel anything at all.  So instead I will answer to what helped me feel modestly happy, which would be those silly pumpkins again.  But also watching “Attorney Woo” on Netflix, and doing some art when I could muster up the energy (See Instagram for pictures of the coloring book page that took me over a month to color. *sheepish grin*).

12. What was your song for this year?

I have never sat in so much silence as I have this year.  I had a good spell for about a month where I listened to this one album obsessively, but then stopped listening to music again. And then, out of the blue, my mom sent me a clip of a folk ballad called Savage Daughter.  I had heard it before, but this time round it hit different.  It reminded me who I am maybe?  Regardless, it has been on loop in my head now for weeks.  So much so I even dreamed singing it.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Depression lies, so answering this either way would be dishonest.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer? 

We made an investment into our future and for our son, but we have way less money atm.

16. and 17. What do you wish you’d done more or less of?

I did what I could, and that was enough.  I can’t trust my brain to reflect on this question in a healthy way atm.

18. How did you spend the Holidays?

Chill.  With friends and the Husbands parents. We played games and ate too much, as per ussual.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Season 2 of Wheel of Time.  Sooooo freakin good.

20. What was the best book you read?

I only read 35 books this year, and 17 of them were in the last 3 months of the year.  I went a solid 4 months with out reading a thing!?!  Best book – Written in Red by Anne Bishop (Dark Fantasy)

21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
If I can’t have love I Want Power by Halsey

This album was produced by the Nine Inch Nails guys and Halsey’s song writing is stunning. 

22.  What Podcast captured your attention this year?

Celebrity Book Club that is now renamed Glamorous Trash, by Chelsey Devantez.

23. What did you want and get?

A Psychiatrist who listened to me!

24. What did you want and not get?

A cure for fucking menopause.

25. What was your favorite film of this year?

Didn’t have one.

26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I taught some art classes.  45 years old.

27. What’s one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being asleep for half of it.  But also not needing a medication that caused sedation to begin with.

28. What kept you sane?

My husband, therapy, books, a doctor who actually listens to me and recognized that I needed more specialized help and was not afraid to help me get it.

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Halsey

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023.

Nope.

31.  Was there anything that surprised you?

Would have had to been awake for that.

32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“It took Jesus a three day weekend

To sort out all the bullshit, figure out the treason.

I’ve been looking for a fortified defense, four to five reasons.”

-Halsey Bells of Santa Fe

33.  What am I grateful for?

That is an emotion I don’t know how to feel right now.  However, I know future me will be grateful to past me for persisting.